i haven't posted in awhile, but i HAVE been thinking a lot lately. a lot. it seems like life is all about decisions. every day decisions that may not affect anybody but ourselves, but also huge life changing decisions that can affect our families and friends, and even people we don't know and future generations. to me, that's a lot of responsibility. how do you go about making decisions like that?
i have also been feeling the need to study lately, almost like a hungering for more knowledge. i want to learn, i want to go back to school, i want to read about anything and everything i get my hands on.
what it comes down to is that i am trying to figure out what the next step in life should be, and i want to make it a good one. something that challenges me, but not to the breaking point. something that will let me feel like i'm contributing and doing my part, not just existing from day to day.
i've been reading a book the my mom gave me awhile back, called "a twenty-something's guide to spirituality- questions you hesitate to ask, answers you rarely hear." there are two sections in particular that hit home to me. one about lds women and education, and one about diverging roads. these haven't necessarily answered all my questions, but they have at least given me comfort to know that i'm not the only one who struggles with these things. anyway, here is a question that is asked in this book that i can really, really relate to. i'm going to quote it, but it sounds exactly like something that i have asked before.
"Sometimes I find myself growing dizzy from my own indecisiveness. Each road has different people to meet and different experiences to be had; these things shape who I ultimately will become. I find myself becoming unduly anxious to make the right choice between two great options; of course, what I really want to do is the Lord's will. Sometimes it seems the importance of the question has little correlation with the clarity of His answer.
The decisions between two goods are hard, and I have constantly inquired of the Lord for guidance. With some decisions, however, there have been no 'bolts of lightening.' With these decisions I have tried to be guided by the peace that I felt. Sometimes I have simply had to start down one of the possible paths, hoping for the best. This has not always proven successful, resulting in self-doubt and fear with respect to later decision-making efforts.
Why does the Lord give stronger answers to some questions than others? Are there circumstances when the Lord really doesn't care what I choose to do? How much does He leave up to me? What is the Lord's role in my agency?"
there is a response to this question by Virginia H. Pearce, which i am currently reading and meditating upon. which leads to the reason for the video... this is meditation from thais by jules massenet, my absolute favorite violin piece of all time. i have done a ton of meditating to it, and it still continues to inspire me. i have a goal of learning to play it before i die...
8 comments:
I think everyone has felt that way at times. I think it is the hardest part of being an adult. When you are a child you have so few roads to choose from and you have your parents to help you or tell you which road is more appropriate. Then you are an adult and all of a sudden multiple roads open up and your parents tell you it's up to you. It can be intimidating and confusing. Just wanted to let you know that your not alone.
Unfortunatly, as adults we have substantial decisions facing us almost every day. I guess that is what we get by having our agency and living in a free country. Even after all these years I wonder about the paths that I have chosen and what life would have been like if even some of the smaller decisions had been different. It can drive you nuts. It is far too easy to "get stuck" in places and situations. It is also far too easy to never get stuck. Sorry, I don't have lots of answers other than pray a lot and follow your heart.
Dad
Hey Kera,
So serious. I suggest to take a break from figuring and thinking. Maybe for a few weeks. Trust me you'll be fine, millions of people have gone years with thinking. It's well documented. Besides, your not supposed figure out if you made right life decisions until well after the decision has already been made and you are looking back. And when I say well after, I mean at least a decade. So, lighten up and figure out a good way to get out of taxes. If you can do those two things, then I think you have life all figured out, and if I'm wrong, you shouldn't know that you didn't have it figured out for at least 10 years, or until you get nominated for a cabinet post, and even then you can still head up the IRS as long as you pay your back taxes.(Life can be so forgiving)
Later,
Jason
I hope the meditation is helping. I hope you find the direction and peace you're looking for. I have to agree with Jason to a certain extent. Sometimes it's when you forget to be worried about the decision that it sort of makes itself. And sometimes it's harder thinking you know exactly what you want and then finding out something else is in store. At least right now you seem to be pretty flexible.
My other thought is on your quote. I do think there are times when the Lord just wants you to choose and He'll help you with whatever choice you make - there's no wrong answer. In the past, that thought has made things easier for me. Whatever I choose, I'll be successful and happy because He'll help me. You can't make a mistake with those kind of choices. It's not that He doesn't care, it's that any road in front of you will lead you to a wonderful place, as long as you include Him. I guess it doesn't really matter what I think - I'm sure Virginia Pearce is much more eloquent and inspired than I am. It just made me think, that's all.
Anyway, thanks for your thought-provoking posts. Keep in touch with me!
thanks for your advice. i'm trying not to get too stressed out about it. but if i don't think about it and forget, then i'm going to end up with nowhere to live!
I disagree. I believe that, in most cases, no matter how much stress you decide to put into a decision, you will still make the same decision you would have if you were forced to make it on a whim. Things work out. Don't worry so much, and instead of asking the Lord to make your decision for you, just trust Him that things will work out.
Later,
Jason
I love the violin. Let's make a deal, you learn the piece and I will learn the harp :).
Don't worry. Things will work out. You are so smart, you will figure it out. Just relax and enjoy life. I have spent much to much of my life stress and not enough of it taking a deep breath and enjoying it.
We love you! You are not alone. I would do anything for you!
Life as an adult...
I do love the violin, though. Good luck with all of your decisions. I used to think that once you made certain "important" decisions (ie career, school, marriage, etc. etc.), life would get easier or something. That's so not true, because hard decisions just keep coming up, just different ones than you had ever thought of before. Just hang in there, pray a lot, meditate, and add a little more fun in your life... that'll help keep your mind off things. Love you lots!
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